What seems like the worst week ever, turned out to be a great week.

A week prior to Holy week, I already know that I would not have even a single day off. This is America— All work, No Holiday/s. What added to my sadness is the fact that it’s my first Holy week away from my loved ones. I am proud to say that I have a family who knows the very essence of the season. And this year, I wasn’t able to do my part and I missed a lot of “what should have been.”

Palm Sunday. I was able to hear the Mass. I took the courage to ask for my boss’ permission to release me early that day to be able to go to Church. And she allowed me to clock out early. Ever since I came here, I’ve been itching to hear the Mass. Finally!

I feel refreshed and renewed. Nothing beats the feeling when you are able to cry your heart out, when you know you are able to say everything you want to say even without saying aloud a single word, when you are able to honestly admit your faults and mistakes without the feeling of being judged, and all. It is only in this kind of conversation and it is only with Him that I feel very comfortable to open everything up. I mean, we have this constant conversation everyday but the feeling of being in His home is way better.

I am grateful that He helped me all throughout the week. The Country Club couldn’t be busier than Holy week. With a lot of people coming in every minute, I don’t know how I was able to survive. I worked double the time I used to work, literally. I go home and sleep. Wake up, and go to work. I don’t even know where all the energy came from, but I’m glad I was able to survive the week.

We had some sort of wine contest where everyone should sell the wine special of the week. Whoever gets the highest number of sales wins 2 movie tickets or a gift card. Being the non-sales/marketing me, I was never excited about it. I didn’t even bother to really “sell,” I just ask all the guest if they would like to try the wine special and all, and that’s it. Well, at least, I did my part. I tried to sell, and if they don’t want it, I would not insist.

Easter Sunday. There were a lot of people. I don’t know how we were able to fit in 400+ guest in a room with 180 room occupancy. It was a very crazy day, but everything went well.

At the end of the day, the big boss gathered all the employees and gave us Easter presents. And she announced that I won the contest. And what made my boss really proud of what I did is the fact that I’m triple away from the second placer’s sales. I was shocked. Really. I never expected it. I couldn’t explain the feeling during that moment. Priceless, very priceless.

The gift card means nothing to me. I am grateful because God made me feel that there are still a lot of things that I am capable of doing. All my life, I thought I could never be into Sales/Marketing, and I’ve degraded myself when it comes to anything related to it, because I know I really can’t. But I’m wrong.

He used the Holy week to make me realize a lot of things— spiritual, personal, professional. I was able to ponder deeply despite the week-long rush.

I took home the biggest chocolate bunny! Look at how happy I am.

Too much sweets? Life couldn’t get any sweeter than this!

Saying that I miss home so much is an understatement. It is, really.

The thought of being away from my family and my friends still scares me. No, scratch that. It’s already a fact. I am here in the US, away from my comfort zone. And it pains me.

I was very determined to push through. I’ve prayed hard for this to happen. God didn’t failed me.

I knew I would be away from everyone and everything I love so dearly, but I didn’t realized it would be this hard. I was never this weak. NEVER. And I’ve never pictured myself this way. NEVER.

God let this happen. And I believe He would never put me into something I would not be able to overcome. His plans are always better than mine. I’m leaving everything up to Him.

And I’ll never fail Him.

***

Leaving is hard. And living after leaving is harder.

The month of March has always been a sad month for me. EVERSINCE. You know, goodbyes and all. I hate goodbyes.

That’s why I never bid goodbye to anyone. Because I know that this is just a long see you soon!

Three weeks ago, I left home with a lot of what ifs in my mind.

Now, I’m starting to get answers for all these questions. 

This is what I know I wanted. And no matter how hard everything could be, I know I would never give up. I would hold on to this. 

If this is what it takes to be someone who you want to be, go. As the saying goes, “If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead you anywhere.”

***

I feel so uneasy these past few days. I miss home. I miss everyone. I miss everything. 

I came to this point that I felt like the more I spend my days here, the more I deprive myself of all the happiness I could’ve felt if I didn’t went here. 

But I’m keeping my faith. I know everything has its own purpose. God wants me to learn from this. He wants me to grow— he wants me to be a better version of myself. 

***

Time flies. And I can’t wait ‘til I travel 8493 miles back home. 

I have never imagined leaving home at an early age of 20. No, I’m not getting married yet. I left home for work here in the United States—something I never thought I would do in my entire life.

When I was a kid, I kept on telling my parents and all that I would never go abroad. Talk about eating your own words. Having grown in a family where you only get to see your breadwinner after adding up a year in your age, you’d never wish to do the same. I know how sad it is to be away from a family member. And I never wished to add up to my Mom’s burden of missing members of the family. It was only Dad before. Now, it’s him and me.

I arrived here in Clifton, New Jersey yesterday. And just today, I did all the errands. It is only now that everything finally sank in—I’m now living on my own, away from my family, away from my comfort zone, away from everything I’ve grown used to. I’m now in a place where everything is new to me—the people, the place, the food, the culture, the climate, and everything. That only means, I have to speak in English most of the time, I have to clean my room, fix my bed, cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner, wash the dishes, wash my clothes and all, I have to wear a coat, boots, leggings, bonnet, and all which I’m never used to, oh well, everything’s new here, and I’m never really used to all these. But now, I have to. I have to learn and do things on my own.  You read it right, I’m learning and doing things at the same time. Judge how hard that is.

Well, I’m positive that I’d be able to adjust in a few. So far, people are friendly. And based on my research and some hearsay, people here are really friendly. My employer sent someone who would pick me up at New York last night, his name is Marco and he’s nice. Despite waiting for 6 hours at the airport, he’s still cool. A while ago, I went to stop and shop to buy some grocery items. I had troubles finding some stuff, and the staff gladly accompanied me until I finished everything.  It’s almost an hour walk from the grocery to where I stay. While I was walking along the sidewalk, some would ask me if I need help. You’d seldom here people say that in my home country. All good signs, right?

I’d be starting to work on Friday. The country club is closed during Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, which means I got 3 days off. Not bad.

This morning, I’d be going back to New York to find a US sim card. I’m praying I wouldn’t get lost.

Tomorrow, I’d be fixing my social security number and I’d undergo a drug test. I’m not sure yet, but I’m guessing I would have my orientation on Friday. I was told it’s gonna be some sort of a classroom blah.

So far, I’m having a good time here and I’m adjusting well. I haven’t cried since I arrived here. Haha. Everyone’s guessing that I would, for a maximum of 1 week. But I’m actually proud that I didn’t. Thanks to the Internet connection. I was able to talk to my family and friends. I just miss the sun and the weather in the Philippines. I woke up at 12nn, I didn’t saw the sun. It didn’t appear the whole day, either.  I guess, for now, that’s what I’m missing.